Alright, alright, alright, we’re back with another trailer review – and this time, we’re taking a look at the upcoming Venom cinematic adaptation, starring Tom Hardy and directed by Ruben Fleischer. Without further ado!
0:11: “I’m Eddie Brock, I’m a reporter, and this is really the accent they’ve chosen to play me with but since Tom Hardy is delivering it somehow it’s going to be the most prestige thing you’ve seen all year, go figure”
0:20: Riz Ahmed in a suit as a villain appreciation society 2K18 over here. Can’t wait to see what he brings to a more antagonistic role, given his exceptional performances in things like Nightcrawler and The Night Of.
0:31: I tease that accent only because I love, and I’m honestly super-hyped to see Tom Hardy in anything, let alone a role as challenging to bring to life as this one. He’s been an amazing prestige actor for years, and a blockbuster movie on this scale and of this comic-book nature is a new turn for his career.
0:51: That symbiote grabbing straight for that guy’s dick is something Deadpool 3 is going to parody next year, and I’m already bored by it.
1:03: Half the time these special effects look pretty neat, the rest they just look really tacky and ugly. It’s hard to bring stuff with comic book origin to the big screen visually because the mediums are so different, but this doesn’t look like it’s going to be any great stride in the right direction.
1:13: Alright, cool bike/car chase, but that comes standard issue with most superhero movies these days and it’s going to have to slam it out of the park if it’s going to top Black Panther or the Winter Soldier’s entries to the canon.
1:23: Man, the actual Venom creature just looks so ugly. And not in an unsettling, horror-centric way; just…bad. I don’t want to look at it.
1:26: Everything we’re seeing of what the symbiote does is alright – that bendy leg shit made my skin crawl – but the creature itself isn’t living up to that.
1:36: I hate to beat a dead horse here, but it looks even worse when it’s talking. Like me in a bad mocap suit taking the piss out of Thanos in Infinity War.
1:48: Michelle Williams is a grown woman and astonishing actress, and she doesn’t need to be in that fucking schoolgirl skirt. Also, someone save her from that haircut, and probably this film in general, given the genre’s bad reputation with female love interests.
2:14: Montage! This isn’t bad, or anything, but none of it feels particularly new or exciting, which is bad news given how highly Venom has been touted as an answer to the morally crisp heroes we’ve had before.
2:24: Some more Riz Ahmed to remind me that I’ll be seeing this movie on opening weekend, damn it all. I’m so keen for him in this role.
2:50: Wow, that…that was pretty bad. It’s one thing to have a zinger after the title card, but that comedy (??? Answers on a post card to hell) just rendered this trailer even more tonally fucking odd than it already was. What the hell does this film want to be? I honestly have very little idea based on the trailer, and that’s…intriguing, I guess? But also dissatisfying, and doesn’t fill me with certainty that this is going to deliver on the dark, edgy movie we’ve been promised. Overall, I’m giving it “I’m seeing this for Riz Ahmed and I will tell everyone at the cinema that when I go in” on a scale of prebook to boycott.
What did you think of the Venom trailer? Let us know in the comments below!
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By Louise MacGregor
(header image courtesy of Den of Geek)