The beauty of this series is that I can write about the abysmal tire fire that is The Flash and not have to talk about The Flash at all.
Alright, maybe a little bit. After all, this was supposed to be the DCEU’s attempt at a full continuity rewrite after the debacle that this shared universe had become. Using the popular comic arc Flashpoint, in which Barry Allen goes back in time to save his mother while also creating a parallel universe where Thomas Wayne is Batman, Martha Wayne is the Joker, and Atlantis and Thermyscira are at war, the DCEU was trying its own rewrite and reboot of certain characters (out goes Batfleck, in comes Keaton, Supergirl stays, and so does Aquaman because he made a billion at the box office).
Instead, what we eventually got after various directors and writers used the speed force to get as far away from the project as possible turned out to be the death throes of the DCEU. What should have been a fun movie is depleted at every turn by events happening outside of its control: the criminal behaviour of its star, the shelving and cancelations of future movies that were branching off of this one, and, eventually, James Gunn’s takeover of the franchise and choice to pretty much start from scratch. As he always is, we can use Batman as a symbol of all of these problems, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. I present to you: The Fall of The Flash: A Tale of Three Knights.
Knight One: Batfleck
Despite being the DCEU’s resident Caped Crusader, Ben Affleck’s portrayal as the character has been getting worse and worse with every movie. He’s interesting yet very flawed in BVS, he’s a psychopath without an arc in Snyder’s Justice League, and a sad sack looking for an arc in Whedon’s. It’s this Knight that we briefly see in The Flash, an old man filled with regret but steadfast in his own principles. He tells Barry to forget the past and deal with the present as it’s the only way to move on. Except as soon as Batfleck leaves the scene and the DCEU in his fancy car, Barry goes “fuck that!” and goes back in time anyway. Affleck had a miserable time as Batman, so I doubt he will care about this pathetic exit, but Batfleck has his fans and I feel sorry for them. For nearly a decade, they have been supporting this version of Batman and they get typically short-changed on his way out.
Knight Two: Keaton
Michael Keaton is my Batman. I love him and everything that is weird and scary about him. He is a tad blunted here, but because he’s a supporting character, I get the choice. Keaton swoops back into the cowl like he’s never been away and is, without a doubt, the best part of the movie. Except – well, this is the Flash’s movie, and this is still the DCEU. My Batman was originally brought back as part of the next phase of stories, but thanks to Barry screwing about with time and space, he would be the DCEU’s resident Batman, an older, much more watchable mentor character that was meant to appear in Batgirl before it was shelved by fucking morons.
If this original plan stuck, then the treatment of Batman – and Supergirl – would feel much more positive. Instead, I had to watch my childhood hero die a bunch of times so Barry could learn a lesson. That’s right, the Batman 89 timeline is also the timeline where Zod succeeds in turning Earth into a new Krypton with Batman heroically dying in failure. Thanks, DCEU, you showed me all this cool stuff and then stabbed my pop culture soul. To those of you who felt this way about Han in The Force Awakens, and John Conner in Dark Fate, I’m with you. But that’s not the worst of it.
Knight Three: Return of the Cloo-Nips
With the DCEU cannibalising itself, the Flash director Andy Muschietti decided to dance on its grave one last time. By the end of The Flash the DCEU Batman is…George Clooney. What a funny joke, that doesn’t at all spit in the face of the people who pay to see your stupid movies, that doesn’t make very clear that there is no creative backbone left in this entire mess of a franchise. Oh, wait.
The Flash is a genuinely awful movie, using three Batmans to complete its journey from franchise saviour to franchise killer. For someone that is glad all of this is over, I would like to spare a thought and a word to the fans of the DCEU: they didn’t care about you, they tried every shortcut they could to get your money, and they were fuelled only by jealousy of the MCU which, even at it’s current nadir, is better than most of what this dead product had to offer.
If you enjoyed this article, please check out the rest of our Batman retrospectiveright here. You can also take a look at our other cinematic universe retrospectives, for the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the Jurassic Park movies! And, as ever, if you enjoyed this and want to see more stuff like it, please consider supporting us on Ko-Fi.
By Kevin Boyle
(header image via Polygon)
No But Listen 