If you’re up-to-date with these articles, you will know that the Ant-Man movies are far from my favourite MCU offerings. Whatever charm they have for others seems to be completely lost on me, which already puts Quantumania at a bit of a deficit. The fact that it is the first movie of Phase V, supposedly setting up multiple plot-points this and future movies, does not help it either. Ant-Man’s strength, I’m told, is as a breezy antidote to the more epic movies that surround it. It’s a break from Infinity Wars and Ultrons and Hydras. Except, now Quantumania gives Ant-Man his biggest challenge: and it seems that everyone has come round to my way of thinking. Yay?
Scott Lang, his daughter Cassie,and the Pymses find themselves trapped in the Quantum Realm, which you will know as it is named at least 20 times before they even get there. They come up against Kang the supposed Conqueror and beat him quite easily. That’s the movie in a nutshell. It’s fine in concept – but in execution, not so much. Let’s start pulling some threads.
Ticking the Romance Box
There is no romance in this movie, despite there being two couples in the main roles. Scott and Hope spend about two minutes of screentime together and even then, I get the feeling Paul Rudd and Evangeline Lily were filming in separate green cupboards on separate days. Then there are the Pyms. Michael Douglas has never been mistaken for the warmest of screen presences, so when he says anything romantic and/or sexual to Michelle Pfeiffer, I get Basic Instinct flashbacks. Pfeiffer is no better, which would be bad enough if it weren’t for the fact that she is responsible for half the plot due to her connection with Kang.
It’s all flat and lifeless until Bill Murray rocks up to make it actively bad, as he stars in maybe the worst scene in MCU history as he sits at a table with the Pyms and makes not so veiled allusions to his sexual history with Mrs Pym. It’s excruciating and Douglas, Pfeiffer, and Murray look extremely embarrassed by where their industry has ended up. Add to that a script that is half-full of characters shouting each others names rather than any relationship-building dialogue, and we have a real stinker in terms of the relationships on show here.
The Wasted Villain Corner
Unlike many, I have no problem with Yellowjacket popping up as MODOK. That’s how bad this movie is that crushed CGI Stoll-Face is a highlight. Now, to Kang.
I’ll say it, I have no idea how Jonathan Majors got the job of playing Kang in the first place. Even without his domestic abuse conviction functionally ending his career, his performance here should have achieved a similar outcome: getting him kicked off the Marvel big screen for good. I liked his strange, fidgety debut in Loki, but it turns out that was the only good creative choice he had in him. Majors plays Kang like he is trying to do an impression of every villain ever, but only the quiet, cringe parts of Eddie Redmayne’s Jupiter Ascending performance came through. It’s a bad look when a limited Paul Rudd, Corey Stoll’s voice acting, and a barely interested Michelle Pfeiffer are out-doing you. This is supposed to be the big bad for the next Phase of Marvel. It only gets worse, as Majors is trying to fill an entire Razzie category with just his pot-credit performances. Good riddance. Recast with a competent actor, or drop the character.
It’s not just the performance, though. Marvel made a woeful miscalculation in where they chose to introduce Kang as an active character (he was merely an obstacle who chose to die in Loki). Let’s do a comparison with Kang and the last MCU big Bad, Thanos. Like Kang, Thanos is the villain of the entire series and his proper introduction (when he finally got off his floating chair) in Infinity War shows what the heroes are dealing with. Not only does he kill Loki (the villain of the first and most important Avengers movie), he also beats the shit out of the hero (Hulk) that confirmed the win in that first movie. In contrast, Kang was beaten by Ant-Man. You know, the guy who talks to ants. Who’s real small. The only thing more embarrassing would have been death by Howard the Duck.
Quantumania is a disaster of such epic proportions that I can find literally nothing good to say about it at all. It’s a movie with ugly special effects (thanks in part to Marvel prioritizing Wakanda Forever’s post -production) terrible performances, an awful script from an obviously inexperienced writer, and a villain that will hopefully never return. Much like the previous Ant-Man movies, Quantumania highlights all of the most annoying aspects of the MCU, and then some.
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By Kevin Boyle
(header image via Rotten Tomatoes)
No But Listen 