The Marketing Department: Spider-Man: Far From Home

Well, well, well, would you look at this? On the very same week that we’re starting our Spiderman Cinematic Retrospective, Marvel takes it upon themselves to drop the first trailer for Spiderman: Far From Home. We appreciate some cross-branding, we really do, so it’s only fair that we give this trailer a little go-over in our inimitable No But Listen style. To the trailer!

0:16: Oh, I just love Tom Holland so much in this role. I’ve never been a die-hard Spiderman-woman (unless we’re talking about Into The Spiderverse, in which case, yes, I sure as hell am), but Tom Holland brings a genuine wide-eyed charm to Peter Parker that I felt was lacking in earlier versions. I just want to pinch his cheeks and put him on my dresser!

0:33: I think it’s really difficult to make the requisite “Spiderman Swinging Through the Streets” sequence look bad, too, because it’s just inherently got this gorgeous balletic quality to it.

0:38: That “Peter Parker here to pick up a passport please” delivery is such a delightful little tongue-twister. No notes.

0:45: Ah, so this is the movie where The Toll of being A Great Guy starts to bear down on Peter Parker. It was always coming, but I’m honestly not completely soldon it given that Spider-Man: Homecoming worked so well on the pure enthusiasm Parker had for his new role.

0:51: Hurrah, Venice montage! I’ve only been once but honestly that place is the living embodiment of Naboo from the Phantom Menace, so any chance to get slack-jawed over the sheer beauty of that city is a yes from me.

1:00: Hmm, I get what they were going for with the stridently feminist MJ bit, but I’m not sure it comes off too well here. That said, Zendaya calling Tom Holland pretty is the loveliest thing in the world, and she is certainly right.

1:04: I would just love it if this move was, in fact, an uneventful slightly angst-ridden school trip where nothing Spider-adjacent actually happened and Peter Parker just got to take in the ambience of major European cities and maybe kiss a girl. After Infinity War, I think they owe us something a little kinder.

1:09: Alright, everyone can get their hands OFF sweet gentle Ned this INSTANT.

1:20: God-damn, does Samuel L Jackson get around cinematically speaking. I swear he’s in about fifteen different films this year. Is it possible to have to much of him? Maybe that’s why they cover one eye, so it doesn’t get too overwhelming.

1:36: Look, I’m not chronically averse to the idea of globe-trotting, city-saving Peter Parker – especially not with his very sick indeed theme song – but these shots of London Bridge all dramatic and action-y are swerving dangerously close to some DC-level CGI fuckery.

1:50: Fuck me, the orchestral rework of the Spiderman theme is so good though.

2:07: Okay, so Jake Gyllenhaal (and yes, I checked the spelling of his name four times before I was happy with it) looks ridiculous as Mysterio, and there’s some major “Comic Book Outfits Don’t Translate Well to Live Action” business going on here, but also it’s Jake Gyllenhaal in a Spiderman movie. Sure! Absolutely! Why on Earth not?

2:17: That little globe-spinning transition in the title screen was goofy and cute and I like it.

2:33: Now, that is the first time I think I’ve ever actually laughed out loud at the post-credits sting for a movie. So they’re going out on a high here. I give this trailer a “I’m nervous, because sequels to great movies are hard, but I put my trust and love in Tom Holland to show me the way into the light” out of ten.

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By Louise MacGregor

(header image via The Independent)