Wow, hi, hello! It’s the start of the week, so why not plunge head-first into some ill-informed analysis of the Detective Pikachu by a maniac who hasn’t followed Pokemon beyond memes in ten years? Can’t think of anything worse, you say? Well, tough luck, you clicked on this link and now you’re contractually obliged to read this article or else my cat is allowed to come around to your house and puke in a pair of shoes of her choosing. To the review!
0:10: That sounds like Bill Nighy’s voice. Even he sounds surprised at the words coming out of his mouth.
0:14: JUSTICE SMITH. Justice Smith is my Upcoming Star of Choice, and this continues his run of just choosing the weirdest shit he can think of to aid him in his rise to the top (see also: The Get Down, Jurassic World: Vegan Edition).
0:30: Those fucking Pikachu-ear bedposts are one of the only pieces of clear merch-seeding I’ve ever looked at in a movie and instantly wanted to own. I’ll take twelve, please and thank you.
0:44: Alright: the last Pokemon movie I saw was Mewtoo Strikes Back, so perhaps my knowledge of the Pokemon Cinematic Universe is a little lacking, but I can at least admit that live-action Pikachu is both extremely cute and deeply unnerving.
0:50: Anyone else sick of Ryan Reynolds? We’ve already had the cuddly maniac thing from him in Deadpool, I don’t see why we need it in electric rat version here as well.
1:06: This set looks like its cribbed straight from the Blade Runner 2049 sequel that never was. I’m pretty alright with it.
1:24: Exploding car with a body rolling out of it? I mean, if you’re going to do neo-noir Pikachu, fucking go off, I guess.
1:27: The Squirtle missing-persons poster is a cute touch. I chuckled.
1:39: This montage is fanservicey, but also pushes all the pre-pubescent obsession buttons in my head and thus works for me. That said, I would have loved to see some real-effects Pokemon as opposed to CGI.
1:54: This is just a profoundly bizarre trailer tonally, but I am also kind of a sucker for profoundly bizarre, so…good, I suppose?
2:17: That Charizard (yes, I know I’ve identified it wrong, please let me live, I’m an idiot and noob and poser who knows nothing, etc) is genuinely pretty cool and I hope it swallows Ryan Reynolds career whole and saves me from watching another Deadpool movie.
2:20: Politely, what the fuck?
Overall, I give this trailer “I didn’t really want it, but at least it looks committed enough to maybe pull something out of the bag beyond the absurdly click-baity premise” out of ten.
(header image courtesy of Variety)
By Louise MacGregor