I don’t have much to say in the intro to this article, apart from the fact that the only actual piece of Sonic-related media that matters is this video by Brian David Gilbert about why every Sonic story is actually antithetical to the very core nature of everything Sonic stands for. Long story short, there’s a trailer for a live-action Sonic movie, and it has Jim Carrey in it. Need I say more?
0:01: “Trailer starts now”. Well, yeah, I should hope so?
0:09: Please tell me that’s not James Marsden-
0:11: It’s James Marsden. That guy needs to fire his agent. Maybe he’s picking shitty projects as some international self-flagellation device?
0:25: I’m utterly begging you to tell me differently: this soundtrack is leading me to believe that this might actually be the edgy, gritty Sonic reboot that nobody asked for. Please, please…
0:31: That said, Ben Schwartz is playing Sonic, so it can’t be that bad. I would trust him with my newborn child, I can trust him with this reboot.
0:48: Alright, this looks a little goofier than it initially did, I’m here for it. Anyone demanding to know that a character did not suggest what they thought they were suggesting is usually cause for some wild bullshit, and that’s what this movie needs.
1:09: Okay, this is what we’re here for. I have been a massive fan of Jim Carrey’s bizarre ouevre for years now, what with his 90s-2000s output dominating much of the blockbuster scene that I grew up with. After watching the tremendous, sobering portrait of his beyond-method creative process in the excellent Jim & Andy documentary, it just reminded me what a singular screen presence Carrey was, and how much we’ve struggled to fill his eclectic, slightly sinister shoes. This isn’t the role that I would have guessed him making a major comeback with, but in its own way, it makes perfect sense. What better than a live-action cartoon villain for a man who made his name basically playing variations of the same?
1:23: Why does Sonic have PEOPLE TEETH?
1:25: I’ve heard the phrase “Hell’s teeth” before, but it wasn’t until now that I understood this, precisely, is what they were referring to. That’s honestly more viscerally disturbing than the whole of Hereditary.
1:43: Honestly, and I’m going to be blunt here: I will see this movie just for Jim Carrey. I guess that’s what the filmmakers are counting on, too, because the rest of this trailer looks punishingly awful.
2:01: Side note: who decided that Gangster’s Paradise was the right choice for this trailer? After Detective Pikachu, is everyone just trying to put out these Lynchian nightmare teasers to subliminally torture us into seeing the films in question? I need answers.
2:20: James Marsden just looks exhausted. He looks exhausted. Mate, are you alright? Do you…do you need help? Blink if I should send someone to get you out of there.
2:31: HE BLINKED. I’m sending in the troops.
Honestly, this movie looks awful, but Jim Carrey is in it in a role so quintessentially Jim Carrey that I know I have to see it. How does it measure up to other Sonic media for you? Are you looking forward to it, lightly dreading it, or still so shaken-up by those teeth you can’t form words yet? Let us know in the comments below!
(header image via ImDB)