Being Annoying about Paddington in Peru Because Someone’s Got To

Every family and friend group has at least one. One person, regardless of age, who embarks on a campaign of absolute annoyance, torturing everyone around them with the sweet refrain of “you have to watch the Paddington movies, they will change your life, they will save cinema, they are both definitively better than Citizen Kane.” My family’s person is, of course, me. Which is why it gives me great pleasure to give you my reaction to the latest Paddington opus, masterpiece, CINEMA SAVER – Paddington in Peru. So I’ll just watch the trailer and…

Oh, dear: no director Paul King returning to complete a Lord of the Rings-beating trilogy. No Sally Hawkins as the delightful family matriarch who has been the Scully of the series (and by that, I mean she gets shit done). What’s next? No marmalade? No cute red hat!?

Okay, I’ve had a little lie down and am feeling a little less rattled. Look, Antonio Banderas is a charming sailor – and, hopefully gets to flex some of his acting muscles outside of his starry sex symbol career. Olivia Colman! How great to see you, though it does feel strange that you haven’t been in these films already – I can’t wait to see you put in an Oscar-worthy performance opposite a small animated bear. Emily Mortimer is great in her own right, and this will definitely not be like that time Maria Bello replaced Rachel Weisz in the Mummy series. It won’t, I’ve made up my mind. Though I will, without a doubt, miss the hell out of Sally Hawkins, whose profound warmth has always been a glowing bright spot in the franchise. While Paul King’s touch will be missed behind the camera, the character and appeal of Paddington has been so well established in the first two that I can’t see this one being a flub.

All joking aside – Paddington in Peru looks like a lot of fun: the real Indiana Jones 5, only Indi is a small talking bear. What’s not to like? There’s nothing to worry ourselves about, as cinema’s perfect trilogy draws to a close. But wait – what has happened to Aunt Lucy? I need another lie down and a long talk about priorities and parasocial relationships. Just as soon as I finish this marmalade sandwich.

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By Kevin Boyle

(header image via BBC)